In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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