hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize