all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
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dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
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I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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