She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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