eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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