So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize