i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
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Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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