you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize