How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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