while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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