This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
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I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
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Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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