Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize