When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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