Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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