I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
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So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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