she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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