TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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