Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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