Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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