My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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