hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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