Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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