have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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