i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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