i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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