Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize