i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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