drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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