So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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