We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
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He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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