I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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