Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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