Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
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I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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