Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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