Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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