I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize