trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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