please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
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Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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