the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
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We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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