thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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