All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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