I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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