We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
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I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
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Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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