Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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