i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i think my cat just said my name.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize