i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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