i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
