Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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