I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
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I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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