She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
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she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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